The other side off excitment

Everybody we talk to gets so excited when we share our travel plans for the next year. They typically mention the adventure and freedom. 

But there’s another side to it.

We’re leaving a lot behind and I’m starting to feel the weight and emotions of it. 

Leaving my kids is going to be harder than I thought.

Each of my kids and I have such different relationships. And I’m wondering how much distance is about to challenge or change that.

How are our relationships going to work while I’m gone?

What will shift when I’m not physically present?

How will they handle us being away?

How will I?

They’re each in such different seasons, needing different kinds of support, or maybe none at all. It’s going to be challenging and probably feel really painful at times.

There will definitely be growing pains for all of us. 

Recent updates in my parents’ health have made this departure feel heavier. More uncertain.

Should we still go? 

Leaving friendships hurts.

It’s taken me ten years to find meaningful friendships here in Colorado after moving from Oklahoma and it feels scary to leave that behind.

I am really going to miss my friends.

What will it look like when we come back?

What will I have missed out on?

I don’t want to feel FOMO, but I know I will. Life will go on without me. 

We’re leaving our dog, and we feel awful imagining how confused he’ll be when we drop him off at someone else’s house. Even though they’re friends of ours, Burt doesn’t understand that.

He doesn’t know it’s temporary. He just knows we’re gone.

Then there’s my business.

I love what I do.

I’ve stepped back, and there are new things on the horizon. But they’re not rooted at home.

Not in person.

Not with my clients.

Over the past year, my business started to feel self-sufficient. I’ve had repeat clients, referrals from past clients and felt part of a larger community.

Will I be able to hop right back into doula work when we return?

What will business look like?

It feels scary and maybe even foolish to leave it behind. Like I’m jeopardizing something I worked so hard to build.

Lastly, it feels like I’m leaving a part of myself behind. There’s just this quiet knowing, a feeling, that this year will change me in ways I can’t yet name.

As always, there is an ‘AND’ to every one of these feelings.

I’ll share more about that later. But right now, with our departure so close, this is what’s sitting heavy on my heart.

In growth and gratitude,
Kristin